If you’ve ever seen the movie “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” you may remember a girl in it named Veruka. She portrays a very spoiled, demanding child who repeatedly declares to her father, “I want it NOW, Daddy! Give me the candy NOW! “ That kind of attitude and behavior probably makes most parents cringe to watch it in the movie, but even more so when it is coming from your own child.

Spirited children are often blessed with the gift of tenacity and persistence. When it goes unchecked, however, it can quickly cross the line to becoming demanding. Consider that asking for what you need and want can be a commendable quality as long as it is done in a respectful way.

Being demanding can be defined as requiring or claiming more than is generally felt due by others in an insistent or urgent way. The current of energy that runs under demanding behavior is lack and even fear.

In addition to insisting on having certain privileges, spirited children can demand attention, not only through their words and what they say, but through their negative behavior.

If your child is demanding, there are some things to help dissolve this behavior:

Clarify and fortify your boundaries. Stake your claim as to what is and isn’t acceptable for your child’s requests and stand by it. By doing so you will teach your child the importance of boundaries, respect and interpersonal skills.

If your child is demanding in what he requests, clearly state to your child that being demanding will not get him what he wants, nor will you respond to things said in a demanding way. Disengage from your child whenever he becomes demanding. Being clear and firm with your child can actually be one of the most loving things you can do.

If your child is being unusually demanding, ask yourself “Has there been a change in my child’s environment, a transition, a growth spurt or some other event that may be triggering my child into this behavior or attitude?”

Ask yourself, “Is my child demanding around a certain topic repeatedly, such as computer time, candy, money or other privileges?” If so, clearly define how much of this special privilege your child can receive and even ways he may need to earn it. Clearly outline these to your child in a neutral moment, when he is not emotionally upset or distracted. Have your child repeat back to you how to earn the privilege to ensure he has heard things clearly and understands.

Begin to notice when your child isn’t being demanding and energetically reward those times with your attention and even heartfelt, verbal appreciation. This will help create security in the child and begin to help the child trust himself more .

Reconnect to your child through love. Find ways that your child feels your love through a smile, a rub on the back, making his favorite meal or quality time spent doing something together. Plugging yourself back into the feeling of love when you’ve been irritated with your child is an empowering way to shift your own energy and positively influence your child.

Talk about, teach and model great-full-ness. When you are grateful, it helps to energetically activate that energy in your life and the life of those around you. Have conversations about things that are working, what you and your child are happy about each day, what lights each of you up and makes your heart sing. Talking about experiences that are satisfying will help your child focus on what he does have and help transform the energy of lack and fear underneath demanding tendencies.

By setting and reinforcing your boundaries and teaching your child how to positively interact, you are giving a gift to your child. What results is the kind of connection you want to reinforce.

Tagged as: ADD/ADHD, boundaries, demanding behavior, gratitude, intense children, love, negative behavior, persistence, privileges, sensitive children, spirited children, Spiritual Parenting