Many people talk about how busy they are and not having enough time in their day. What if you could find more day (more richness, satisfaction and fulfillment) in your time?

Oftentimes, a frenzied pace takes over our days as we frantically attempt to squeeze work, chauffeuring children to various activities, grocery shopping, cooking and home maintenance into our lives. Simultaneously, we are fielding phone calls, text messages and emails as we juggle the lifestyle of a busy 21st-century parent.

Despite the vast array of time-saving devices throughout our modern homes (I can count four on the kitchen counter alone), we may feel our time is scarcer than ever before.

It seems that the more choices we encounter and the more options we view as available, the less free time we have. We have options that our great-grandparents could not have fathomed in their wildest dreams. We can travel around the world, learn a new language or study for a new career in the comfort of our homes, and update all 532 Facebook friends of our status as each new item is accomplished.

Paradoxically, the more options we have in our lives, the more frantic the pace of life becomes, because we feel a virtually addictive need to do more, to see more, to learn more. The fact remains that we are surrounded by a myriad of choices that can scatter our attention and drain our energy.

How can we slow down the frenzied pace of our lives within the society in which we live? Is it possible to stop and smell the roses every single day- not just during vacations?

A friend of mine, Ellen Braun, was recently telling me about her childhood friend’s mother, Michelle. Michelle used to sit on the couch and read or chat with Ellen and the other kids while an apple or blueberry pie invariably baked in her tidy kitchen nearby. Michelle’s house was spotless, yet Ellen never saw her clean. Michelle’s aura personified harmony, as she seemed to spend most of her time relaxing. Ellen was always in awe of Michelle and her home, which she noticed was so vastly different from her own. In Ellen’s childhood home everyone was constantly in a massive rush! Ellen wondered why Michelle was always so serene and had so much leisure time on her hands while everybody else complained about not having enough time.

Now, as an adult, Ellen can look back and decipher the secret of Michelle’s tranquil existence. After years of Ellen trying her hardest to be efficient, she finally figured out what Michelle knew, and learned how to apply that knowledge to her own life.

Ellen says the secret lies in the ability to make choices. I agree wholeheartedly!

Stephen Covey, author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families, states this concept as follows: “The key to being proactive is remembering that between stimulus and response there is a space. That space represents our choice— how we will choose to respond to any given situation, person, thought or event. Imagine a pause button between stimulus and response—a button you can engage to pause and think about what is the principle-based response to your given situation.”

Every single one of the hundreds of choices that present themselves to us on a daily basis includes that special “pause” button where we can choose our responses.

Michelle’s special secret was to choose the things she wanted to do (like whip up delicious, pies every afternoon) and to avoid all those other options that did not interest her.

Since discovering this secret to slowing down and enjoying a relaxed pace of life, Ellen takes a radically different approach to responding to outside requests for time and attention. Her first step is not to check her calendar, but rather to check her goals. She asks herself, “What are the primary things that I am attempting to accomplish or feel today, this week, this month?” Her choices then are determined by reviewing her goals.

What separates Ellen and Michelle from most of the harried, frenzied people in the world is their ability to recognize that of the thousands of choices we encounter each year, it is impossible to choose all of them. Saying yes to one activity automatically means saying no to another activity that is taking place simultaneously.

Having a multitude of choices is a blessing of our times, yet the blessing can turn into a curse for those that attempt to choose every option on the table. Just like eating every delicacy at the buffet is a sure recipe for a stomach ache. Equally important as choosing what we want to do, the goals we yearn to accomplish, is to choose which ones we are willing to leave by the wayside.

As a Mother, Michelle knew that she did not want to keep up to date viewing multiple TV shows, travel extensively, working herself to the bone in order to advance her career, nor enroll her children in multiple enrichment programs. She chose the activities that were important to her; creating a serene home, having homemade comforting food available for the family, and staying on top of the housework on a regular basis so that it never became actual work. Because she was able to forgo some subjects, Michelle serenely controlled the affairs in which she chose to immerse herself.

The lesson is: If you chase two rabbits, both will escape.

We all have limited time, energy, and ability to focus. Sometimes we put tremendous pressure upon ourselves only because the choice is available. Money, cars, jewels and clothing can always be acquired. On the other hand, once time has passed, it can never be recouped.

Ellen shared with me an all-important question she uses as she’s slowed the pace of her life and learned to relax despite her busy schedule.

The question is: What would happen if I did not do this?

By asking this question, she told me it has helped her make peace with the idea of choosing not to accomplish certain things. Time is an irreplaceable resource; she decided she can no longer squander it because juice is on sale at the grocery store.

Ellen says, “Just because the sale on juice is taking place around the corner, or a new catalog has arrived in my mailbox, does not make it mandatory for me to use my time on these things.”

It comes as liberation to many busy parents to know that time belongs to us alone, and we are the sole determiners of its use.

You may discover that having more fulfilling experiences each day is more about what you take out of your life rather than putting more activities into it.

To learn how to eliminate unnecessary tasks, make your efforts count for ‘double duty’ and free up your time and energy to experience more ease and satisfaction, you may want to check out Ellen’s digital book, Creating Time: Time Management Tips & Tricks for Busy Parents: Creating an Abundance of Time for the People and Things We Value Most by visiting: http://bit.ly/baLI8H

If you’ve ever seen the movie “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” you may remember a girl in it named Veruka. She portrays a very spoiled, demanding child who repeatedly declares to her father, “I want it NOW, Daddy! Give me the candy NOW! “ That kind of attitude and behavior probably makes most parents cringe to watch it in the movie, but even more so when it is coming from your own child.

Spirited children are often blessed with the gift of tenacity and persistence. When it goes unchecked, however, it can quickly cross the line to becoming demanding. Consider that asking for what you need and want can be a commendable quality as long as it is done in a respectful way.

Being demanding can be defined as requiring or claiming more than is generally felt due by others in an insistent or urgent way. The current of energy that runs under demanding behavior is lack and even fear.

In addition to insisting on having certain privileges, spirited children can demand attention, not only through their words and what they say, but through their negative behavior.

If your child is demanding, there are some things to help dissolve this behavior:

Clarify and fortify your boundaries. Stake your claim as to what is and isn’t acceptable for your child’s requests and stand by it. By doing so you will teach your child the importance of boundaries, respect and interpersonal skills.

If your child is demanding in what he requests, clearly state to your child that being demanding will not get him what he wants, nor will you respond to things said in a demanding way. Disengage from your child whenever he becomes demanding. Being clear and firm with your child can actually be one of the most loving things you can do.

If your child is being unusually demanding, ask yourself “Has there been a change in my child’s environment, a transition, a growth spurt or some other event that may be triggering my child into this behavior or attitude?”

Ask yourself, “Is my child demanding around a certain topic repeatedly, such as computer time, candy, money or other privileges?” If so, clearly define how much of this special privilege your child can receive and even ways he may need to earn it. Clearly outline these to your child in a neutral moment, when he is not emotionally upset or distracted. Have your child repeat back to you how to earn the privilege to ensure he has heard things clearly and understands.

Begin to notice when your child isn’t being demanding and energetically reward those times with your attention and even heartfelt, verbal appreciation. This will help create security in the child and begin to help the child trust himself more .

Reconnect to your child through love. Find ways that your child feels your love through a smile, a rub on the back, making his favorite meal or quality time spent doing something together. Plugging yourself back into the feeling of love when you’ve been irritated with your child is an empowering way to shift your own energy and positively influence your child.

Talk about, teach and model great-full-ness. When you are grateful, it helps to energetically activate that energy in your life and the life of those around you. Have conversations about things that are working, what you and your child are happy about each day, what lights each of you up and makes your heart sing. Talking about experiences that are satisfying will help your child focus on what he does have and help transform the energy of lack and fear underneath demanding tendencies.

By setting and reinforcing your boundaries and teaching your child how to positively interact, you are giving a gift to your child. What results is the kind of connection you want to reinforce.

When school is out the freedom from a schedule can quickly turn to boredom for your child. Sensitive, spirited children need a balance of structure, down time and adventure. As a parent, you need to keep in mind your own limits for noise, activity, crowds, etc., and respect those as you plan for smooth experiences.

In addition to envisioning the outcome you’d like to have and planning your schedule, there are important steps you can take to help things run more smoothly this summer with your spirited child. Balance out the types of activities you feel good about to keep your child engaged this summer:

Adventures

Get your child involved in planning weekly or monthly outings. Depending on the age of your child, he or she could map the route, determine the mileage, plan snacks, make an estimated budget for the trip and gather information on where you are going. This keeps learning alive all summer long. It also helps your child to make choices and know limits so they don’t resort to begging for more when the allotted budget has been spent.

Here are a variety of adventures you may choose to partake in this summer:

Attending county or state fairs, festivals, community events.
Enjoying free outdoor concerts.
Visiting friends/relatives.
Going to the beach .
Visiting the zoo.
Finding pick your own strawberry, raspberry or other agricultural product establishments.
Spend the day on a farm and take a picnic lunch with you.
Seek out day trips and scenic views in your local area.
Take bocce ball to the beach and play.
Explore a state or county park that you’ve never been to before.
Attend an outdoor movie theater.
Visit a museum.
Go to a botanical garden.

Homecare Activities

Let your child know how he or she can earn privileges this summer. In addition to regular chores, you can get your child involved in extra homecare projects as one way to ‘earn’ an adventure or special treat together.

Some examples of homecare related activities:

Washing windows
Washing cars
Planting a garden
Tending a garden
Weeding
Mowing the lawn
Vacuuming the house
Vacuuming a vehicle
Meal planning
Meal preparation
Assisting with home repair projects

With some creativity, you can turn these tasks into fun activities.
For example – Make it a contest to see who can get the most weeds pulled up by the roots in a certain amount of time.
Set a timer to get as much of the project at hand done as possible in 15 minutes, before taking a popsicle break.
Plan and prepare a themed dinner from menu to activities after dinner. If you decide Tuesday is Italian Night, for example, after the first course of spaghetti, serve homemade Italian ice you’ve made together.

Of course, giving your child verbal kudos with sincere appreciation for anything done with good behavior or positive attitude goes a long way toward cooperation.

Movement Activities

Kinesthetic kids need vigorous physical movement to expel the extra energy they often have to feel good in their body.

Here are some examples of movement activities perfect for the summer months:

Finger and toe painting outside on the driveway with you, of course!
Yard races such as the wheelbarrow race, gunny sack races, one-legged race in the backyard or at a local park.
Kicking around a soccer ball ice cream maker to make homemade ice cream. (Available online and at some Target stores.)
Go to the local pool, miniature golf, batting cage, theme park or Frisbee golf course.
Biking together on bike trails or in the neighborhood.
Rollerblading or skateboarding.

Quiet Activities

Here are some things that can be done together that bring the energy level down:

Reading books together out loud. (One of my favorite series is the Sara books by Abraham-Hicks.)
Playing, drawing, counting or building in the sand at a beach, backyard or playground.
Visiting a local or neighboring library to scan the bookshelves and music for something new.
Listening to a book on tape or music on an ipod, lying on a blanket outside.
Playing cards or board games together.
Building Legos, magnetic structures or card houses.
Baking bread or other items from scratch together.

The days of summer will be here and gone before we know it. Adopt a motto of ‘make it fun’ and you and your child will enjoy everything you do together more, even chores!

If you are looking at the calendar and feeling some apprehension about the end of the school year being close at hand, you are in good company. The beginning of summer brings with it a variety of emotions – gladness for the end of the school schedule, remembrance of our earlier days anticipating the freedom of summer and even concern of how to keep our kids busy, happy and ourselves energized.

It does take stamina – mentally, physically and emotionally – to parent a spirited, sensitive child. If you are concerned about the impending summer changes, here are some ways to make things smoother this summer:

Set an intention. Dare to dream. Consider the following questions in your heart as you tune into your feelings and your inner guidance. What would make this summer fun? What would you like to feel as you spend time with your child this summer? How would you like to feel about your child? Do you want to experience more ease, grace, fun, peace, connection or something else? By asking these simple questions, you can clarify your focus and align your actions to it. This begins to activate positive energy to create more satisfying experiences with your child.

Create a schedule to ensure smooth transitions. Planning helps you stay in a space of empowerment. By developing and writing down a daily, weekly or monthly schedule for the summer months, you will have a clear game plan to share with your child and help keep him or her on track. You will also deliberately create a rhythm and flow to support you. Spirited kids typically like to know what’s coming ahead of time. If you can set up some predictable routines and announce transitions ahead of time, whenever possible, it helps set their mind at ease. This helps everyone in the family.

Build your schedule on things you and your child want to do this summer. Use the intention you’ve set to guide you on your activities. Ask for your child’s input. Brainstorm ideas together. Strike a balance between your need and your child’s need for activity, down time, sleep and adventure.

Make a decision that your daily self-care is a priority. Do atleast one thing for yourself each day. Set the tone for your day by asking yourself a question upon waking that connects you with your inner wisdom. For example – Ask yourself, “What is the most important thing I can do to feel peaceful today? Or, What is the most important thing I can do to experience more fun today? (Insert your own feeling word or intention where it is underlined.) Then support yourself by following through on it.

By taking time to contemplate the upcoming transition to summer, you can create a solid footing to greet the summer with confidence and heartfelt connection with your spirited child.

There are 5 million children 3-17 years of age that have been diagnosed with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) in the United States alone, according to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention. At the beginning of every day, many parents of children with ADHD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Attachment Disorder brace themselves for the challenges they face with their child. They try to have a fresh outlook and hopeful attitude in creating a new level of peace with their child, but often they are exhausted. Unfortunately, hope can quickly turn into struggle, confusion and even despair for these parents as the escalating negative behavior of their child adds to stress in the home, problems at school and a strain on the relationship with the child.

On Tuesday, April 27 at 12 noon Central Time, author, family coach and founder of the Center for Family Love, Tami Gulland, will hold a free call to address these challenges and be interviewed on her newly released book “Embracing Your Spirited Child: A Transformational Guide for Parents of Children with ADD/ADHD, ODD, PTSD and Attachment Disorder.”

During the call, tips will be shared to determine whether attendees have a spirited child, what intense and sensitive children have in common, the challenge with traditional parenting methods and spirited children and how to increase the effectiveness of behavior modification. Tami will also share a significant finding she’s learned as a family coach that has a considerable impact on parents’ ability to create lasting transformation and turn around negative behavior.

Parents, foster and adoptive parents and caregivers who are interested in cultivating inner peace and harmony with their child are encouraged to attend. To register for this free call or for more information, visit: http://www.tamigulland.com/booktour

ADHD kids, or spirited children, can be tenacious when it comes to getting what they want. Sometimes they can even become almost consumed by or fixated on it so much so they forget nearly everything else.

Spirited kids naturally play out their ideal scenario or outcome in their mind as if it has already happened. The challenge is they become so attached to it happening exactly that way. They have their heart set on it. Then, if it doesn’t, their expectations are shattered and they are often thrown off course emotionally.

There are some things you can do to help your child deal with disappointment and emotional upset in a smoother way:

Acknowledge your child’s feelings. For example, “Wow, that was really a bummer! I see how you could feel really let down about that.”

Allow your child to feel and express his or her feelings. Make a deal that for the next 5-10 minutes your child can talk or complain about the disappointment as long as he or she is not screaming, throwing a fit or hurting anyone. Then after the time is up you agree to move on and talk about something else. Your child can know it is OK to be bummed out about it, then let it go.

After the time is up, begin to focus on and talk about something positive, such as what else you have planned for the day; other things to look forward to or other parts of the day that turned our well or were positive. A simple way to trigger new thoughts is to use one of the following statements and fill in the blank:

Atleast . . .

OR

On the brighter side . . .

Then, engage in another activity that is fun, such as a game, listening to music, doing something for someone else, etc. to begin to shift the energy and focus from disappointment to an emotional state that is more uplifting.

Verbally give your child positive kudos for any movement toward handling his or her disappointment well and nuances of resilience he or she is showing.

Model handling your own disappointments in healthy ways, too. Talk about ways that you have bounced back from upsets.

Dealing positively with disappointment teaches perspective, resilience, gratitude and that your child is strong and capable to handle what comes his or her way. It also teaches your child how to be a powerful co-creator in his or her life, despite the disappointments.

There are many parents who struggle with children with behaviors common to Attention Deficit Disorder/Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADD/ADHD),Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Attachment Disorder and sensory integration challenges.

While it may not be apparent, these children tend to be naturally sensitive in nature and often act out what they feel. They are usually gifted, intellectually, intuitively, artistically or in other ways. Their challenging behavior masks their true nature. Because of this they can also be known as spirited children. When parents understand the true nature of their child from this perspective, it becomes easier to love and support them. It also allows them to more easily help their child assimilate in the world and be successful. One way to begin to discover this is to ask yourself, “In what ways is my child gifted?” As you seek, you shall find.